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TERMINOLOGY INTRO
In BDSM,
Master is one of the honorifics some people use to describe
the
dominant partner or "owner" in a
Master/slave relationship. Because it is an honorific of the
dominant form, it is usual for it to be written with a capital
letter.
It might also be used by the
submissive partner as an honorific term in a
D/s relationship. This can cause confusion when trying to
understand BDSM terminology as both "Master" and "slave" might be
used - as terms of endearment - even though neither consider
themselves to be owned nor owner.
Some people enjoy the connotations of
servitude or
submission in calling their partner "Master", or being called
"Master". To others, the ritual of such a formal mode of address may
be appealing. It may also be useful in building roles in which one
partner or the other may indulge in
sadistic or
masochistic desires, although people living as Master and slave
are not necessarily
sadomasochistic.
Usage of "Master" in most BDSM environs does not imply any
specific expertise, abilities or formal training. To successfully
maintain a Master/slave relationship takes abilities and skills
beyond or apart from normal relationship skills.
The term "Master" can be gender-independent but is mostly used
only in reference to males. There is otherwise no male-specific
equivalent. The female equivalent is mistress or possibly
dominatrix.
Although the Master is understood to have authority over the
slave in some sense, this never extends to one's legal rights and
thus there must always be an implicit element of
consent involved.
--BDSMers are as romantic, loving, and
committed to relationships as anyone else. But instead of finding a
kiss romantic, they may find wearing someone's collar to be
romantic. Or a spanking may excite them more than conventional
foreplay, and enhance their love for their partner.
--To a masochist, extreme sensation is
perceived as pleasurable. You may compare it to a runner's high: the
more intense the activity, the more their endorphins pump, and the
more ecstatic they feel.
--A person who takes the submissive role is
neither passive nor a victim. He or she has made a conscious
decision to pursue BDSM and has probably looked long and hard to
find a compatible dominant partner.
--BDSMers make explicit agreements about what
they will and will not do together. Many use communication tools to
ensure that they never overstep each other's boundaries. Examples of
these include "safe words" (a word or phrase the submissive may
utter when he or she wants an activity to end); "contracts" (written
agreements outlining each partner's needs, desires, and
expectations); and "negotiation" (the process of deciding what kind
of relationship the partners want, and what level of commitment each
will make). See A short lexicon of BDSM terminology for more terms.
--Dominance and abuse are as different as
loving intercourse and rape. BDSM involves consenting adults who
expect to derive pleasure from their experience.
--BDSMers may be aroused by "regular" sex
too, but the BDSM acts give them the higher level of sexual
satisfaction that they need to feel emotionally balanced.
--Not all submissives enjoy pain and not all
dominant enjoy giving pain. Many BDSMers are only interested in
sensual play, psychological domination or fetishes.
--Being into BDSM does not imply any
psychological or emotional problems. BDSM is only a problem when an
individual feels depressed or anguished about his or her sexuality.
--BDSM/fetishism cannot be cured. They are
not diseases, for one. These desires are innate to individual sexual
identity and usually persist throughout one's active sexual life.
Counseling can only help people to accept their needs and to make
healthful, positive choices.
TERMINOLOGY
* BDSM- Bondage Discipline
Sadism subbie masochism Master/Mistress. BDSM is not a psychological
disorder.
*boi- Are usually female submissive's or bottoms and usually have a
female Daddy. They are typically masculine or "butch".
*Bondage- Those who participate in being tied to objects.
* bottom- A term used for most that "play" in the submissive role.
Gives up control but only for the play time.
*boy- Are usually male submissive's or bottoms and usually have a
male Daddy.
* CBT- Cock and ball torture, often including the scrotum.
* Communication- Something that is very important to all involved.
* Contract- An agreement entered into by all people involved in the
relationship, usually for a specific period of time.
* D/s- Domination and submission.
* Daddy- A dominant man or a woman who is the father figure to a
boy/boi.
* Dom/me- The person in charge, the one that does things to someone
else.
* Dominissive- Person who enjoys both Dom/me and submissive roles.
* Edge Play- Something that is on the edge of one’s limits. Be aware
what is edge play to someone might not be to someone else.
* Endorphins- Chemicals produced by your body that give you a state
of ecstasy and pleasure.
* EPE- Erotic Power Exchange (usually a term for those just
"playing" with others involved in the "scene" sometimes used in
conjunction with TPE).
*see below for more details.
* Feedback- Letting each other know how things felt to them.
* Fetish- Attraction or attachment to an idea or object. Examples-
Leather, uniforms, black attire.
* Fisting- To take one's entire hand and insert into an orifice and
slowly curl hand into a fist for fucking.
* Flogging- To hit someone with something similar to a cat o' nine
tails.
* Flogged: To be hit with an instrument usually made of leather
strips.
* Golden Showers- Where the
Dom/me urinates on the bottom, drinking of the urine might be part
of this play.
* Humiliate- To hurt, the
pride or dignity of someone. This is rarely used in BDSM. Erotic
humiliation is usually what occurs. Forcing one to over come
inhibitions and do things they normally wouldn't. Just remember
what humiliates one person, may not humiliate another.
* Immobilization- Usually done with
rope or saran wrap to create
a helplessness in the bottom. Some also call this mummification.
* Internal Enslavement- "Internal Enslavement" and "Total Power
Exchange" cover much of the same ground. Internal Enslavement is to
take possession of a slave, in a consensual context. Dealing with a
slave's thoughts, emotions and past experiences and establish and
maintain a solid and inescapable state of ownership. This is
achieved through control of the slave's psychological states, in
contrast to external enslavement where the submissive to be enslaved
consents at the start of the process.
* Life-stylers- Those who live and are actively involved in S/m or
D/s on a daily basis...Including TPE/EPE relationships.
* Limit- A place a person believes they do not wish to go. Limits
are always changing and being tested and/or expanded. Things that
are a limit today might not be 6 months from now. Usually limits
occur were the activity/stimulation ceases to be enjoyable or
satisfying or a psychological place where one can’t cope.
* Marks- Something that might happen during the course of play.
Bruises are the most common “mark.”
* Markings- Commonly done when 2 enter into full time relationships.
Typical markings- branding, piercing or tattoo.
* Masochism- Getting of pleasure, often sexual, from being hurt or
humiliated.
* Master/Mistress A title/term for those that "live" as a Dom/me.
Webster's- A man who rules others or has control over something.
* Mentor- A tutor, a coach, a guide, a trusted counselor.
* Munch- A set time and place where people with BDSM interest gather
for a meal and usually discussion.
* Negotiation- What is done before play or a long term relationship
where both people state what they will and will not accept from each
other.
* Newbie-Someone new to BDSM scene/lifestyle.
* Old Guard- Born out of the end of WWII, by gay leather men. Code
words were used: 'Do you play the mandolin or the saxophone?' to
discover which of them was the masochist or the sadist by the first
letter of these instruments. For the era and the times, The Old
Guard and its rigid social structure and manners/protocols were
needed. The Old Guard will always be around, it is tradition.
* Owner- A term used for those that “live” as an Owner of their
property.
* Play- To act in a specific way.
* Players- Those that enjoy the erotic aspects of Power Exchange but
not wishing to live the lifestyle, or those wishing to expand their
"vanilla lives.
* Property- A term used for those that “live” as property to their
Owner.
* Punishment- There is punishment within play, called play
punishment. These are usually activities done so the bottom gets
enjoyment from them. Discipline punishment is real and is painful.
* Quick release- A device to quickly get a person free without
needing to spend time in an emergency situation.
* RACK-Risk Aware Consensual Kink
* Role Playing- For those that wish to be somebody else for a
specific period of time. Examples: School teacher/student,
Pirate/captive, Officer/private, Burglar/victim, Pimp/hooker,
Parent/child, Noble/servant, Sultan/concubine, etc.
* Sadism- Getting pleasure from mistreating others.
* Safeword- This is something the bottom/submissive can use to slow
down or stop whatever is being done to them. Dom/mes can also use
safewords, but is less common.
* S.A.M. or Sammie- Smart ass masochist. SAMs can be a lot of work,
especially if they are the type to attempt to control everything the
Top does, your energy will be spent trying to control them.
* Sassy (this is a term I came up with) Smart assed
submissive/slave. To me it's much better to say “don’t sas me” or
“my we are sassy tonight” than using term sam/sammie.
* Scene- Those "players" would go to "play parties" for non-vanilla
play. To some it is also pre-planned play with possible
role-playing.
* SSC- Safe Sane Consensual
* Slavegirl/boy- A title/term for those that "live" as a submissive.
Webster's- A human being who is owned as property by another; a
person having no freedom or personal rights.
* S/m- Sado Masochism
* submissive- The person not in charge, the one that has things done
to them by someone else. To yield to the control or power of
another.
* Squick (term I help make popular)- A term used to say that is way
beyond me..."that squicked me"
* Switch- Person who enjoys both Dom/me and submissive roles
* Top-A term used for most that "play" in the Dom/me role. The one
that controls things but only for the play time.
* Topping from the bottom- where the sub directs the Top what to do
or how to do things to them.
* TPE- Total Power Exchange (usually no safewords used, usually
those 24/7). Considered negotiated codependence.
*see below for more details.
* Vanilla- Not a person into BDSM. Ingrained society norms
and referred to as "mainstream." Pro-creation sex between a man and
woman.
* Weekend Warrior- Those that wish to experience BDSM sensations
only in the bedroom or at a “play party.”
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